I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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