Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
