When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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