There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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