Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
