I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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