One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
