i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
