we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
