Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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