what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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