Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
