In the future we'll all be gay
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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