cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
