I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
id be glad to
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
