i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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