She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize