I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
