A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
