there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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