I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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