I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize