apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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