and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
