So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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