It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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