I hate your face
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
