I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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