I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
