I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
