guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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