So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
