Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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