Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
