You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
A bitchslap is in order.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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