Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
