so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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