My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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