well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
