did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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