TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
