I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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