She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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