Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
