mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
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Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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