how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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