So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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