Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
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Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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