when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Your tits are I can't wait for
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
