I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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