I have demons in me.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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