Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
