How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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