end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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